Pheasant shoots

Dear Political leaders,

I realise there is current debate about fox hunting. Let me enlighten you to another vermin: pheasants and a need for a change in the law.

The current situation is that I can only shoot pheasants during their shooting season. Today, I have had five pheasants on this years potato patch. Last year we lost about 80% of our potato and turnip fields to pheasants. To help you understand the situation let me turn it slightly:

I propose that all crofters take up the hobby of rat catching. We will all travel to London, Edinburgh and other cities and ‘release’ baby rats. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll only release about 9,000 in one small section of London, say Westminster. We then will leave them to eat your food, gnaw through your property and make themselves to home. However, you must remember that you can not set traps or use rent-a-kill to deal with them unless it is ‘rat season’. My fellow crofters and I will then dress up in suits and what ever London fashion is and come to have a weekend of catching rats. Now, the weather may not be right or may not feel up to it so we may spend the day shopping or having cocktails. All in all, we’ll probably kill about 2,000. And, we’ll leave you with the rest because, hey, you had them anyway and they are a part of the city, never mind the fact that the ones we leave will breed and create more. Me? I’m off back to my hedgerow and not bothered that you now can’t do anything about them until the next season.

Like the sound of it? Didn’t think so, but we have to put up with estates doing the exact same thing with pheasants. Pests that eat our food, make a mess, and pass on diseases to our poultry.

Is it not the time to start applying sustainability and less catering for the few with the shooting hobby?

Yours faithfully,

The annoyed crofting wifie

As the crow flies



Note from Crofting Wifie to self:
Loo lids are manufactured by people who don’t realise you need to stand on them to take pot shots at the local jackdaw population stealing eggs from your chicken coop. They therefore don’t last very long after just a few attempts of getting the pests.

Tim, just another job to add to your to do list when you get home (putting on a new lid, unless you want some romantic bonding shooting jackdaws together).

The next time we design a house, can we put in those thin slots that they have in castles for shooting out of? This velux window malarkey is seriously affecting my pest control.


IMG_1129Crofting Wifie’s parenting of the mini poacher:

Take up a new, simple task, like milking.

My limited window of time currently means several cheeses are off limits (the mini crofter hasn’t grasped the concept of needing to wait for a specific pH which has no concrete time length, very different to his self set stomach timer). Hence mozzarella has been the only cheese made.
Having said that, I tasted halloumi cheese the other night, it tasted just like some of my other cheeses that have gone wrong…

Applying coffee



Well Taylors of Harrogate, how did you know to label your coffee for the Crofting Wifie?

For those of you who want it expanded:
Lazy: Mini Crofter and I were only up 10 mins before the alarm, usually it’s several hours.
Sunday: As it says but can be applied to all days of the week

Laid back: In the grass, with a hand up a sheep…

Lovely: oh look, a new born lamb.

3: Yes, some people think this is referring to the coffee’s strength. However, there are various other interpretations; a) remember to check the lambing field at 3am when you’re up feeding wee one, b) the Crofter is only away for 3 weeks at a time, what could go wrong, or c) you will be onto 3 mugs a day by the time he gets home!

Sheep chase

Well Mini Crofter, we’re going on a sheep hunt, we’re going to chase the wee ‘un’. We’re going on a ewe hunt, before she has her lamb.
Bear? What bear? This is Scotland the brave Crofting boy (think Corries, land of t’ purple heather, land where the midgies gather), there’s nae bears. And besides, your mum has no time for the library at the moment so we’ll just enact the scenes if your pram could just detour the ewe from that gate and try not to roll into the electric fence…

Not much to do…

As I was returning home from a walk with Mini Crofter I met a lady visiting a neighbour. She commented that she had seen me out frequently, my response, it helps get the wee one to sleep. Her reply? “Aye, there’s not much really to do up here…”. My eyebrow raised slightly!!! She turned to look up at the croft before adding, “Well, I guess having animals helps”. I gave a weak smile, thinking ‘Aye, not much to do!?! Want to come give me a hand? There’s not enough hours in a day in terms of the escapades that this croft has seen this week!’